Hanging up my hack license

Swimmer girl turns 16 today. We are very excited for her - but not as excited as she is, of course. Among all the other things that come with turning 16, she will soon have her driver's license.

And for me, that means my taxi-driver days will finally draw to a close after more than a quarter-century of commission.   In those years, I have hauled my babies and toddlers and children and adolescents (and their friends) to every place they needed and wanted to go. I have put over 250,000 miles on four cars in the process.  We've eaten, spilled, upchucked; changed diapers and clothes; laughed, cried and argued and fussed in my mom-taxis.  We've had a few roadside breakdowns and a couple chats with policemen and troopers,  but thankfully no accidents with a baby or child on board.

If you're a young mom reading this, I can promise you this:  the years and miles will fly by. Your taste in music will adapt to theirs, and vice-versa.   We have explored the full extent of the radio dial, tuning in and out of country, jazz, hip-hop, Christian and dabbled in rap and alternative.  Classic rock is our shared language.  We've belted out southern rock together, argued over who-sang-that-song, and deciphered lyrics more times than I can count.   Looking back, I think we were blessed to not have built-in DVD players and portable DS players at our disposal.  Yes, we had our share of backseat territory disputes and petty squabbles borne out of boredom.  But in the close confines of the car, you have a captive audience - just unplug them from the electronics occasionally and you might be surprised by what they confide in you on an otherwise silent ride.

I have cemented my relationship with my adolescent children just by sitting in the driver's seat - many deep, heart- and soul-searching conversations with each child have taken place in the car, and most of them started out as nothing more than a ride home from school or church, or a quick jaunt to town, just mom and kid. 

So enjoy your taxi driver status while it lasts - because it doesn't last forever.

Happy -and safe - travels,


P.S. - Happy birthday, baby girl.  One pink velvet cake coming up!

Picking our battles

This week we celebrate Veteran's Day.   God bless our veterans and servicemen and women around the world; they carry the battle scars of conflicts fought to keep our freedom intact.  When I think of our veterans, I often think of Joshua's bravery.  And his carefully chosen words recorded in Joshua 24:15 contain so much wisdom and commitment to our purpose here on earth:

"Choose this day whom you will serve...as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." 

When faced with a choice, Joshua picked his battle carefully and took a brave position, one that I'm sure he found was not always popular with the home crowd.  Not much has changed since his time in that regard.

Most parents today are very familiar with the concept embodied in that verse.  We use the shorthand expression, "pick your battles" to sum it up.  From the time our toddlers begin asserting themselves (a favorite first word is "no"), we are forced to learn diplomacy at lightning speed.  How to finesse a balky child into an outfit they don't want to wear, eat something they don't like, go somewhere peacefully when they really want a nap, or to be calmly held by someone they don't know.  They are learning the art of compromise - and so are mom and dad.

Soon we learn that stripes and plaids and camouflage prints really can be worn together and that the occasional cookie for breakfast won't kill them, especially if they wash it down with some milk.  In return, they learn they can still smile and keep going even when they're tired, and that their Bible class teacher is fun and friendly, not a frightening stranger.

I heard someone add this caveat:  "When you have picked a battle (with your child) , win at all costs."   I tend to agree, although I think that "all-or-nothing" should be tempered with some reasonableness.  If we pick a battle in error, it is okay to show our children that we can be humble and admit we were wrong - very different than simply giving up and giving in.

Unfortunately, I think our society has taken the "pick your battle" idea to the passive, permissive extreme, giving the child free rein because parents are afraid to pick ANY battle.  By sidestepping every conflict, we fail to teach our children that a peaceful and happy life is bound to require them to make some compromises along the way, too.

To all parents everywhere, please pick your battles wisely.  But do pick some battles, stand your ground, and be prepared to fight until you win.  Caving to your child's every whim and whimper is not compromise, it is captivity.  And we shouldn't be negotiating with terrorists - especially not our own kids.

Happy parenting,